Wanted

Of the things that irk me, being referred to as a millennial appears up above the list. It is next to men who have no business calling me pet names using terms like baby, honey or ksskss-ing me like an animal. Worse are those who call their mothers madhe but decide I am their “mummy”. I, a person who is adored by children and who enjoys their company for short periods of time but has no desire to carry a pregnancy to term. Yet.

As a person with a protrusion on my chest and a caved interior to present as my gender to society, I am supposed to naturally conform towards mothering. Not just children, if I say kids I will be meaning offspring of goats? but grown men too.

As a forced non-millennial, July 1 will have me posting on social media: A queen was born on this day. It will be my BIRTHDAY! I don’t have anyone to make noise on my behalf so how about embodying the millennialism fully that is painted on me?

Here is a list of things I am sharing I want/need to make July a remarkable birthday month:
1. Curtains!
After about a year of living alone, I have not been able to afford a good set of curtains. I think of curtains the same way I think of cars. I like to see, be around them but when will I walk into their actual showrooms and leave possessing them?

2. An airplane ticket
As old as I am, I am yet to use air transport which I have studied throughout my school life. I understand it may not be as rosy as it appears in my head. I could even turn out to be one of those people who empty their stomachs into a brown bag. Only, there is one way to find out. A train ride as well…

If you decide to fly me to where you are, please don’t kidnap me. I am a good girl. The world needs me.

3. A desk and an office chair
THIS WOULD NOT LIFT THE QUALITY OF MY WORK and ENSURE I HAVE A STRAIGHT BACK WHEN I GROW OLD.

4. Clothes
I love unique, cute pieces that are specially handpicked. I love looking nice when stepping out as I don’t wear any clothes when I am indoors. I started hiking this year and found out I don’t have many tights like I assume other girls do. Get me those thermal tights, long-sleeved tops, hats even wool socks! I fit very well into medium clothing.

5. Shoes
For a person who is obsessed with shoes, I have around 10 pairs. I will go on and blame the pandemic. I must have lost the shoes in my head to the virus. It came suddenly, unwelcome, robbing us of our loved ones and shoes. As with everything else, I like something that I won’t meet on every other corner so HELL NO to doll shoes!

I am a comfortable size 5 in the measures of our colonizers (UK), size 7 where dreams are fulfilled (US), size 38 in Europe and 240 in the country where everything is produced, China.

6. Accessories
Earrings. EArrings. EARrings. EARRings. EARRIngs. EARRINgs. EARRINGs. EARRINGS!

7. Skincare package
I would appreciate a voucher to any of these stores: Naturalglam and/or Miri Basics to keep me glowing from all the avocados I consume.

8. Dates
I am leaving my entire July free of any hikes. If you have been trying to nail me down, my weekends will be serving this purpose. I enjoy the outdoors. I am dedicated to trying new restaurants and places. Do not be shy.

Are you the owner of a car or know how to drive? Take me somewhere, with music blasting through as I chomp on a kind of wheat.

Again, please don’t kidnap me. The future awaits for me to be a successful woman.

9. M-Pesa
Money can buy me happiness in the forms of so very many plenty forms. My contact that is registered to the services is 0721516458. Money can do so much for me as I work on my self-sufficiency. You are free to lock it in an investment somewhere. As long as the money is working for me, I will be grateful. Let me know.

For the love of God Almighty, do not act smart trying to lure me into a WhatsApp chat. I am already struggling with an overwhelming number of replies. It does not serve my aspiration to heaven to add more people into the mix. Email me instead: reshperience@gmail.com

10. Custom made cards
Art moves the intricacies of my being. When it comes bearing my name and in a handwritten form, I am taken to heaven to grease the pearly gates for your smooth entrance when the trumpet goes.

11. Beddings
There was a video of a certain man going round who owns bedsheets in an entire picnic basket! If I remember right, it was blue in colour and newish-looking. I was consumed with envy watching the man display his wealth in cotton. He also went on to brag about the delicious meals he makes!

I have recently moved to a cold area. I need all the bed sheets (I own two) and pillows (I am in the company of one) to help me cuddle myself because I have been unable to nail a househusband.

12. Stationery
As a writer, I am ashamed to admit I barely own any pens. The tubes I have need to be beaten around like remote when the power in the batteries diminishes.

Notebooks. I have about 11 thereabout but like books, you can never own enough. I love them in bold colours.
Is this the same category where bookmarks fall? Make me think about you.

I am avoiding mentioning books because my bookshelf is crowded with unread copies I have not planned for. Fingers crossed, I will hit my goal of 52 this year. That clarified, if there is a Kenyan author you think is good and guess I haven’t read, I will take it. Nothing motivational, please.

13. Scents
Currently, I don’t use any additional scents on my body. My natural scent is pleasant. It is appealing.
However, this new year, I would like to try some additional things on my body. You know, experimenting. I love smelling scents on others. My compliment is almost always on it when it is not on how good one looks.

If these scents come in vanilla, that is what I would really love. Fruity scents are welcome too.

14. PARTY
Who would I be if this was found missing? Surprise me!

I had many negative thoughts as I was planning to write this which has been a looooooooooong time. I have postponed until I went into full-blown Procrastinator’s disease. My mind has been bugging me with the Who do you think you are for people to do things for you? This has taken a lot of Come down, even if you end up doing these things for yourself, you put it out there. At least we know you would make a great girlfriend because you communicate!

The climax is obviously the very day I was born which is when the month begins but I am availing myself for the full-month experience. What I start, I finish.

I am a Gen Z. Do the Math yourself!