Thee Glam Life of The Gram

Forget electricity. The invent of the internet was the best thing to happen to us humans. One cannot do without the other? There is no case of what came before the other here. The egg or the chicken classic.

Thanks to the advancements made in this generation, the latest basic need in most city homes and restaurants, Wi-Fi (did you guess that right?), we have access to unlimited social media.

Hail Instagram!

Uko Instagram? Follow me @username this or the other.

That is the most important question you are likely to get from those who reign in the glamourous thrones it provides. IG is like a world on its own. There are therefore the rulers and minor citizens like me (and you?).

As citizens of this prestigious ‘after world’, we have duties to our leaders. These include but not limited to double tapping their entire gallery and a bonus is leaving a comment in which we mention them.

In your notifications 72 hours later, they will have replied with an “Aawww, thanks” punctuated by a million love hearts. If you are lucky, they will like top three of your most recent pictures in return. Isn’t this corruption?

If you are the kind who love to be heartbroken as your self esteem is squashed as you watch, try sliding into the DM. You will never get a reply but as a faithful, you will be sending love hearts on their daily live at 5 and 8pm.

You cannot go to the extent of associating this with religious leaders whose fuel guzzlers are replenished by users of public transportation followers weekly. Don’t.

The more followers you have, the better your chances of starting an enterprise of your choice. Those who can amass a following of thousands in days then sell them to those monied with no way of making it on their own.

You are likely to be sidelined by a section of your crew if you don’t consider Instagram as one of your most used apps on the mobile. How do you live? They will ask. There is no way we are hanging out with you who can’t stay current. They will lament.

Many young people are losing sleep over the number of followers they have. Copious amounts of time are spent unfollowing those taking them for a ride. Yaani @username unfollowed me? Ngoja pia yeye. Headache.

One day many years ago, a friend and I were visiting one of our mutuals in their home. Like a normal 21st century home, they were connected to the strongest Wi-Fi network available.

We did very little catching up that could have been done over the many applications. All heads were bowed and fingers furiously digging at the smartphones that have robbed us of our brains and sense of socialization.

Before we left, the ultimate signature of having been together was announced. Taking a Picture! Only this time I was informed that this was not the ordinary type I was used to. It was an Instagram Picture!

Our host ran to the bedroom and came out with a makeup kit. She contoured everything into place, painted lips and topped up with the finishing layers. Looking at her dressing, she realized it did not go with her painting.

Off she rushed into one of the rooms. 10 minutes after she disappeared, we became worried and decided to check on her. We found her in a towel preparing for a bath!

The saving grace was that we had to leave soon to avoid traffic and the body cleansing ritual for camera was put off.

Eventually, I got slapped with a shade of lipstick I never thought I would wear in this life or the next and snap went the camera. Many more clicks later and even more filters, a picture perfect image of the three of us was posted and captioned.

What a day well spent. Don’t you agree?(Smirks)

Obviously, there is nothing wrong with ‘So-Show’ Media. What is wrong is us using it as a tool for ‘we-can-do-without’ life standards. I’m sorry if all you do compare your ‘hair’, ‘brows’, ‘nails’, lips and ‘hips’ to the next girl.

You can do without some applications. If you must have them, don’t allow yourself to suffocate in the name of living in the times. We are trying too hard for fake likes and emojis hence the many cases of depression and suicides.

For a better life, stop putting all those people, mostly unknown to you and your ancestors, present on your 101+ media handles on a pedestal. You will be happier.

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25 thoughts on “Thee Glam Life of The Gram

  1. I don’t even what the fuck Instagram is.

    It sounds like soystagram.

    I refuse to look it up.

    No one has refused to look up more weesh things than me.

    It’s diabolical what big tech has done to the millennials.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I managed to quit Facebook 2years ago! I try to limit my IG usage as I realized it makes one compare a lot (unknowingly sometimes) and think that everyone else is living ‘The Life’ other than them. I’ve also managed to limit my Twitter usage by uninstalling the app and reinstalling when I need to. Snapchat is soooo complicated or maybe I’m just old, a quarter of a century old hehe.
    So generally I can say I now have social media under my control! I was such an addict just 2 or so years ago..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is quite commendable on your part. I haven’t managed to quit any of them but my limited usage is some sort of quitting because I rarely acknowledge their presence. You are not old, I myself have never owned a Snap Chat account and I never will. It’s complicated I agree and as it is not adding any value to my life, why sweat it?
      We are imprisoned beings and it is time to set ourselves free!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Omg😂 this is so true!
    Do you know how many times I have tried to leave Instagram? I can never get enough self control to leave it for a week let alone forever!
    Though I can gladly say it has never affected my personal life!

    Liked by 1 person

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