Am I Becoming Anorexic?

I generally hate hospitals, there is an air about them that makes me feel sick. I would die if I was to study medicine and become the traditional coveted doctor. It was after much persuasion that I agreed to visit our school’s health unit.

 

I was dragged there…

 

“Are you pregnant?”

 

The doctor threw the dreaded question straight to my face as soon as I had explained my predicament to her. I did a quick mental calculation and replied in the negative. That was definitely period blood I was collecting on sanitary pads the week before.

 

She prescribed a deworming syrup (dawa ya minyoo) after I confessed I couldn’t remember if I had taken any in the recent past or at all in my life.

 

As a typical Kenyan, I expected the medication to work immediately but it took at least a week to get back to my normal eating routine.

 

The entire ‘sickness’ started on a Saturday afternoon or Sunday, it was a weekend. I had had an unhealthy combination of fries and the other version of fried potatoes, Nairobians shamefully call Bhajia for lunch. A glass of fresh fruit juice washed it down.

 

The first nauseous episode came when I was folding clothes later that day. It persisted until I was in the bathroom sink taking it all out. My eyes were filled with tears.

 

Why is this happening to me? Tears rolled down.

 

And that way, it kept coming. Before, after or during a meal. It chose it’s times. Alternating equally round the three meals of the day. Naturally, I stayed away from anything foody.

 

Two months later, I’m having my supper when the queasiness strikes. I puke the one spoon I had managed to swallow and relax a bit. Thankfully, I manage to finish the meal amidst all the minor attacks that followed.

 

If I was in my former high school, I would be on suspension. Why are you not eating? Are you avoiding food? Are you indirectly pointing out that the food provided by the school is bad?

 

They would have questioned (read accused) me in the boardroom we had notoriously nicknamed the Hague.

 

Having no solid explanations for my ‘uncouth behaviour’ they would have sent me home until I learnt to eat. They did for a classmate of mine on mere suspicions of her ailing from Anorexia.

 

My fate would have been sealed from that previous occurrence. Courts do a lot of Stare decisis. Including this ‘mini Hague’.

 

It’s been two weeks since I had a good meal last. I had eaten my harder than rocks chapatis and well prepared stew of beans. That was my last supper. I have been unable to have a full meal thereafter.

 

The next day when the stomachache terrorised me, I had the classic Kenyan breakfast as supper in the evening. Tea and bread. I had been surviving on water entirely. Luckily, I hadn’t been experiencing severe hunger pangs.

 

The trend continues, I’m skipping meals, sleeping hungry, waking up hungry. There is food, teeth intact but I can’t devour it to satisfaction. I can’t eat!

 

Ideally, a human is to eat little amounts of food several times a day. Do you see your fist? That’s how big your stomach is. Since it expands, many find themselves eating more filling the sack completely.

 

I’m basically eating a portion equal to my fist daily instead of at least four, five shares. Should I be worried about anything other than the fact that I’m seriously hungry?

 

What is she ranting about? Go eat! I can’t. The moment I start, I become bored and feel full after few tablespoons.

 

Make your food more interesting then. Add colour. Eat what you love. It happens I have tried almost every other food.

 

Is this Anorexia? A complex psychological irrational fear of food mostly by young women to avoid becoming fat. I only fit the description in that I am young. Bulimia is ruled out of this analysis completely.

 

I have never had problems with my weight or the appearance of my body. I do love food and before this spree I had only vomited once when I was suffering from Malaria in my childhood days.

 

Oh and the days my Dysmenorrhea takes a tight grip on me reminding me who’s Boss. I am no vomit-er.

 

I definitely wouldn’t induce myself to get rid of food I had eaten. Why would I be eating in the first place? Out goes Anorexia too.

 

What am I under attack of? There are no other symptoms. Queasiness reigns. There are no specific food triggers that bring this about.

 

This ‘starvation’ is taking a toll on me. I’m hungry 24 hours. Is anyone else this hungry?

 

Are these two taking turns? Nausea takes a break, failure to eat takes the crown. I am afraid of what is to come next. There might be others waiting in line.

 

Remedies anyone? With Anorexia and Bulimia Nervosa out of the way, nothing to work with. Besides, they should not have been options.

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38 thoughts on “Am I Becoming Anorexic?

  1. I love your diagnostic conversation.

    It’s fortunate that you’re not sick.
    You couldn’t be.
    I have seen you devouring a samosa, maybe you’re on a grace period.

    Time and space, friend and you’ll be eating well. Everything will fall in place.

    I like the way you tell your truth and still keep your audience reading. You’re very disciplined.

    Keep up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Do you see how long back that was? Me devouring a samosa?πŸ˜‚

      I’ll be alright, I had breakfast today, who knows, lunch might follow and supper. I might be welcoming the new year with food😊

      Thank you so very much. You are a darling.

      I willπŸ˜„

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Definitely not anorexia cause anorexia is more than just avoiding food. You WANT to eat, you just can’t right now. You do not have an unhealthy relationship with food. If you could have a piece of cake, you’d eat it peacefully & not calculate the calories like an Anorexic would. I believe you’re going through some kind of stress. Perhaps you have to ask yourself what is really going on to take such a physical toll on you.
    *big hugs* You’ll be alright, dear. Get well soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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