When Did You Cry Last?

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A fortnight ago. I was attending a marvellous wedding ceremony and no lies, I wanted to be the bride. I wanted to handpick one of the groomsmen to walk me down the aisle. There and then.

 

That is the level of awesome it was at. I am not one of those mushy persons to cry during happy events. Heck, I don’t even cry when someone dies.

 

I didn’t. Not when the bride entered the reception hall in her dazzling white gown.

 

Not when the groom joined her, donning a white suit, on the coveted equally white couch. Not when the Deejay popped the beat for their first dance. I didn’t cry. The music wasn’t those slow tunes that made you fall in love. No. It awakened your spirits to showcase your moves on the dancefloor. Two left feet or no.

 

Four years back, our school footbridge fell. My very own classmates got hurt in the accident. Broken legs, neck, arms, missing teeth, cuts and trauma. I didn’t cry.

 

On the day the tragedy occurred, I watched most people in the school wail and shed tears enough to put the ocean to shame. I was there dry-eyed. Not searching for my own tears. I was wondering why they had resorted to tears. No one died.

 

When I was getting my documents ready to join university, I had to give details about my area. And yes, I had no appropriate knowledge to fill in. I went to the chief and asked her to assist me with the information I needed.

 

She started telling me those are things I should have asked my mother. She said a lot of things. Damn it, write and sign the papers woman, I was thinking. I was standing there (she hadn’t offered me a seat). I felt as if she was stripping me naked with her words. She was out to humiliate me.

 

Tears flowed. I had to wipe them away discreetly. She might have called the entire force at that camp to join us and witness a big girl cry. Besides to her, she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was trying to make humour through me. The mistake most ‘comedians’ make.

 

After the magical wedding, we went home as there was no after party. I stayed awake until about 1 am. No sleep forthcoming. I was charged and by the time I decided to put my phone away and concentrate on shutting down my systems, I had left a Whatsapp group and began crying.

 

I cried silently. My cousin was watching her series beside me. I didn’t want to stir up an emergency. Why are you crying? Unaumwa? Niambie tu. Did someone break up with you? (I wouldn’t cry if we lasted centuries). Has someone died?

 

No.

 

I don’t know why I am crying. Must there be a reason behind free flow of tears? Can’t my teary glands express themselves without justification? That’s the truth, I don’t know.

 

A week after that episode, I cried again. Practically, that’s the last time I cried. I used the fortnight for theory reasons. Am I the only one who misses words when I feel I haven’t used for a while? They miss me too..

 

It was another night. An evening maybe. All I know is it was in the pm. It wasn’t those hours owls tend to cry at night. What is the sound they make again? Is it howling?

 

I cried. My eyes turned red. My face was swollen from all the crying. My dad held me until I calmed down. Calm down because I couldn’t stop. I’m never in control of those glands once they start depositing their salty liquid down my face.

 

My stepmother said I was crying so that I could be heard. I was crying because I was being treated unfairly. My dad said I shouldn’t be emotional. Should I be angry instead?

 

I cry when I feel a form of injustice has been perpetuated towards me. I cry when I’m in pain. I suffer from emotional pain. A lot of it. The same emotions I am told not to display. It’s not up to me to decide. It is beyond me.

 

When I cry, I focus on the hurt and cry until my eyes can’t manage this supplementary task no more. I haven’t been having suicidal thoughts lately in these cries. Maybe that’s healing?

 

You can be everything at the same time. I am emotional, I am hard-hearted to the extent some people call me heartless. They want me to display emotions I want to bury. I am not weak. Not that weak people cry. Not all, some do.

 

Somehow this one woman makes me angry, bitter and a crier. Negative, negative. Just one person. I am no crier..

 

When was the last time you cried?

 

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52 Comments Add yours

  1. Ah dang you girl, you got me misty eyed there for a moment πŸ™‚ Great post.

    Like

    1. There’s nothing better than striking emotions, is there?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. veraomwocha says:

    Beautiful post (forget the irony of it). Crying is such a healer, kwanza the random ones. I cried a week ago, after a couple of months.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hehe, thank you Vera. Why did you cry?
      I was to cry on Friday but those dentists failed to work on me…

      Like

  3. purity kang'ethe says:

    I cry a lot..though crying got its own form of healing

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I cry so many times! Am just the emotional type. I cry when I am overwhelmed, I cry when someone judges me, I like cry everytime. Unfortunately, it the only way to let the pain and bitterness out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is a good way to let out that pain and bitterness but people expect you to be strong and soldier on without a single tear!
      It’s simply impossible!

      Like

  5. I’m definitely a crier & its funny cause I’ve never been so. I was very dry eyed when I should be bawling out but as I grew older, I became more emotional. I cries yesterday when I listened to Kelly Rowland’s Stole.
    Nice post, dear! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope I don’t turn out like you πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope you wont either! πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Kim says:

    I shed a tear, quite literally, this week. I was watching a TED talk of a lady who was talking about education in Africa. She got emotional at some point when she was talking about a world bank negotiation with African representation on the table. The Africans seemed intimidated and unaware that they had tonnes to offer. They looked powerless. It broke my heart.

    I will write about it soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t wait to read about it

      Our education really needs to be better

      Like

  7. Elias says:

    Seems am the odd one out. I sincerely cannot remember the last time to shed tears because of emotions. Perhaps when cutting an onion

    Liked by 1 person

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      I haven’t been cutting onions of late but I’ll do it this evening
      That’s probably the best way to cry!! If someone asks, you just say it’s the onionsπŸ™Œ

      Like

  8. Joy Ruguru says:

    I think I should cry soon so that I undergo some healing too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You should, don’t even think

      Just cry

      Like

  9. nastehafarah says:

    Oh my Resh!,where do I start!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I cry ALL THE TIME!,just this afternoon I was crying because of some book I was reading!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    I cry while watching movies,(even comedy ones!πŸ˜…),I cry while reading books,I cry when I’m sad,angry,happy,I cry when I see someone sad,or someone hurt,..I could literally find any occasion to cry,πŸ˜‚..I once even cried while watching a cartoon!πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      I think you should start a cooperative and register it so that those like you can join hands
      Comedy πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Cartoon hapana, you need therapy 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. nastehafarah says:

        πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ it will such a successful cope though!,that’s a good ideaπŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 😁😁
        Don’t let your niche go

        Like

  10. Brian Nyagol says:

    Crying is a healing…For me, anything that makes me start stammering as I talk can make me cry, that means it makes me angry, extremely anxious or happy.

    Last I cried, like, real crying was earlier in the year, relationship things πŸ˜•.

    Like

  11. Marion Njeri says:

    I think you are my twin πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    I cry for the same reasons and rarely for that matter.
    Wait a minute, am I the only person who cries when watching movies?? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Brian Nyagol says:

      I do feel tears in my eyes when watching very emotional movies πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Marion Njeri says:

        Hapo sasa. πŸ˜€πŸ˜Š

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Twin❀

      A few times tears slip but I can never admit I do cry during movies, hiyo nmekataa.

      I know a person who does though 😁😁

      Like

      1. Marion Njeri says:

        Tears slipping is still crying, right? You don’t like have to whimper* or something

        Liked by 1 person

      2. As I said before, I refuse to join the team thereπŸ˜‚

        Like

      3. Marion Njeri says:

        Alright πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

    3. nastehafarah says:

      I cry during movies all the time!,
      There’s this one time i was watching a comedy movie with my family,the pet died,and I cried my eyes out!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚…I have been teased about that to dateπŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Marion Njeri says:

        πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚oh dear

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Watch action movies πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Marion Njeri says:

        I shed litres in those too

        Liked by 1 person

      4. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Out of possible remedies for you

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Marion Njeri says:

        πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Marion Njeri says:

        πŸ˜‚oh dear

        Liked by 1 person

      7. A pet πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

        That’s extreme, I don’t even like animals
        I’m fraidy..

        Like

  12. mbabazitales says:

    I cried last week. My best friend just graduated..aha. I’m the emotional type.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wouldn’t cry on that occasion😁

      We are all emotionally different though

      Like

  13. I cried 3months ago when my grandpa passed it was relieving
    Its good to cry sometimes

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In this world, we should be crying more than laughing.

      That’s why I love that song line, Do you see anything to smile about?

      Liked by 1 person

  14. vinkythapoet says:

    Reblogged this on Vinkythapoet..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much❀

      Like

  15. Lau says:

    Haha. U didn’t cry for me
    .. 😈.. Actually that I’d the last time I cried. That is like 4 years ago. I actually didn’t cry because of the pain….. I don’t know why I cried.. But am sure it was not the pain.. The doses of morphine ensured I didn’t…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I didn’t

      I was extremely saddened and my heart bled but no tears..

      Crying is kinda pretentious at times..

      Like

  16. I cried last week. Or the week before.
    (You didn’t ask why, so…yeah)

    Reading this has made me reminisce about all the times I got crying. Was I really justified? Maybe/maybe not😊!

    It’s good to shed tears Resh. Sometimes you feel some pacification.
    Emotional expression? Yes.

    It’s not weird to fail to cry in some predicament, not everyone is empathetic by default.

    I rest.😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m going to ask why in some few minutes, be prepared to strip the truth down to meπŸ˜‚

      People tend to think if you are not crying then you are not sympathetic, which is not the case

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No problem. I have minimal trust issuesπŸ˜‚

        Stereotypical line. And superficial too. Maybe people should take up wailing and crying so that everything becomes sensical. Don’t you think?

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I, on my part, have 100% trust issuesπŸ˜‚

        I think crying is fine, wailing is ugly

        Liked by 2 people

      3. The more you wail…the more believable your sympathy looks. Play with their minds😊

        Liked by 1 person

      4. So it’s pretentious? It shouldn’t be a competition..

        Like

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