When Did You Cry Last?

A fortnight ago. I was attending a marvellous wedding ceremony and no lies, I wanted to be the bride. I wanted to handpick one of the groomsmen to walk me down the aisle. There and then.

 

That is the level of awesome it was at. I am not one of those mushy persons to cry during happy events. Heck, I don’t even cry when someone dies.

 

I didn’t. Not when the bride entered the reception hall in her dazzling white gown.

 

Not when the groom joined her, donning a white suit, on the coveted equally white couch. Not when the Deejay popped the beat for their first dance. I didn’t cry. The music wasn’t those slow tunes that made you fall in love. No. It awakened your spirits to showcase your moves on the dancefloor. Two left feet or no.

 

Four years back, our school footbridge fell. My very own classmates got hurt in the accident. Broken legs, neck, arms, missing teeth, cuts and trauma. I didn’t cry.

 

On the day the tragedy occurred, I watched most people in the school wail and shed tears enough to put the ocean to shame. I was there dry-eyed. Not searching for my own tears. I was wondering why they had resorted to tears. No one died.

 

When I was getting my documents ready to join university, I had to give details about my area. And yes, I had no appropriate knowledge to fill in. I went to the chief and asked her to assist me with the information I needed.

 

She started telling me those are things I should have asked my mother. She said a lot of things. Damn it, write and sign the papers woman, I was thinking. I was standing there (she hadn’t offered me a seat). I felt as if she was stripping me naked with her words. She was out to humiliate me.

 

Tears flowed. I had to wipe them away discreetly. She might have called the entire force at that camp to join us and witness a big girl cry. Besides to her, she wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was trying to make humour through me. The mistake most ‘comedians’ make.

 

After the magical wedding, we went home as there was no after party. I stayed awake until about 1 am. No sleep forthcoming. I was charged and by the time I decided to put my phone away and concentrate on shutting down my systems, I had left a Whatsapp group and began crying.

 

I cried silently. My cousin was watching her series beside me. I didn’t want to stir up an emergency. Why are you crying? Unaumwa? Niambie tu. Did someone break up with you? (I wouldn’t cry if we lasted centuries). Has someone died?

 

No.

 

I don’t know why I am crying. Must there be a reason behind free flow of tears? Can’t my teary glands express themselves without justification? That’s the truth, I don’t know.

 

A week after that episode, I cried again. Practically, that’s the last time I cried. I used the fortnight for theory reasons. Am I the only one who misses words when I feel I haven’t used for a while? They miss me too..

 

It was another night. An evening maybe. All I know is it was in the pm. It wasn’t those hours owls tend to cry at night. What is the sound they make again? Is it howling?

 

I cried. My eyes turned red. My face was swollen from all the crying. My dad held me until I calmed down. Calm down because I couldn’t stop. I’m never in control of those glands once they start depositing their salty liquid down my face.

 

My stepmother said I was crying so that I could be heard. I was crying because I was being treated unfairly. My dad said I shouldn’t be emotional. Should I be angry instead?

 

I cry when I feel a form of injustice has been perpetuated towards me. I cry when I’m in pain. I suffer from emotional pain. A lot of it. The same emotions I am told not to display. It’s not up to me to decide. It is beyond me.

 

When I cry, I focus on the hurt and cry until my eyes can’t manage this supplementary task no more. I haven’t been having suicidal thoughts lately in these cries. Maybe that’s healing?

 

You can be everything at the same time. I am emotional, I am hard-hearted to the extent some people call me heartless. They want me to display emotions I want to bury. I am not weak. Not that weak people cry. Not all, some do.

 

Somehow this one woman makes me angry, bitter and a crier. Negative, negative. Just one person. I am no crier..

 

When was the last time you cried?

 

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52 thoughts on “When Did You Cry Last?

  1. I’m definitely a crier & its funny cause I’ve never been so. I was very dry eyed when I should be bawling out but as I grew older, I became more emotional. I cries yesterday when I listened to Kelly Rowland’s Stole.
    Nice post, dear! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I shed a tear, quite literally, this week. I was watching a TED talk of a lady who was talking about education in Africa. She got emotional at some point when she was talking about a world bank negotiation with African representation on the table. The Africans seemed intimidated and unaware that they had tonnes to offer. They looked powerless. It broke my heart.

    I will write about it soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my Resh!,where do I start!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I cry ALL THE TIME!,just this afternoon I was crying because of some book I was reading!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    I cry while watching movies,(even comedy ones!πŸ˜…),I cry while reading books,I cry when I’m sad,angry,happy,I cry when I see someone sad,or someone hurt,..I could literally find any occasion to cry,πŸ˜‚..I once even cried while watching a cartoon!πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Crying is a healing…For me, anything that makes me start stammering as I talk can make me cry, that means it makes me angry, extremely anxious or happy.

    Last I cried, like, real crying was earlier in the year, relationship things πŸ˜•.

    Like

  5. Haha. U didn’t cry for me
    .. 😈.. Actually that I’d the last time I cried. That is like 4 years ago. I actually didn’t cry because of the pain….. I don’t know why I cried.. But am sure it was not the pain.. The doses of morphine ensured I didn’t…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I cried last week. Or the week before.
    (You didn’t ask why, so…yeah)

    Reading this has made me reminisce about all the times I got crying. Was I really justified? Maybe/maybe not😊!

    It’s good to shed tears Resh. Sometimes you feel some pacification.
    Emotional expression? Yes.

    It’s not weird to fail to cry in some predicament, not everyone is empathetic by default.

    I rest.😊

    Liked by 1 person

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