‘No Woman No Party’

In this climate of sex and freedom of sexual expression, there is only so much more you can witness. Everyday a new invention sprouts up, scientific and sexual. Most importantly everyone has become an artist now and all they their verses echo bitches and money. That is what a woman is associated with. Isn’t that why men refer to them as golddiggers? I am not going to include myself in this bunch of women. I still remain one in other domains.


Among men’s most favourite topics is women. Let them not deceive you with their addiction to betting while constantly meeting in dingy pubs in the name of supporting their favourite clubs. Men spend hours discussing women’s body parts. The behind thrills them. And that is why the music industry, in its aim to entertain the populace (men), came up with twerking or is it bubbling? Men are the target consumers and women are basically the manufacturers and distributors.


Bubble girl a bubble!
Wine and don’t stop, girl steady wine!
OMG, look at her butt! (Anaconda wasn’t such a big hit without good reasons).
And the most recent, ..then she went ahead and put her booty on a Gucci belt..


The lines sound familiar, don’t they? Cut Jamaica out of the picture, Kenya itself is proving to be the country with the most ‘bubblicious’ women. They were almost stripped off by Tanzania when the video Chura went viral. The good thing about women from Tanzania is they shake their assets in the presence of other women. You will agree with me if you have watched them in Taarab. Even if men are present,it is rare to see them rubbing their blessed behinds on the men’s crouches. This practice in Kenya however, is a taboo. You are not twerking if a man is not rubbing against you.


This brings us to Kenyan men with their patriarchal nature that they are tightly holding on to. They want to dominate and take control in territories that are not even their own. The woman in turn wants to do what she us told to please them.


Let me describe this form of body writhing (more of the ass) in the Kenyan context. The man is the attacker and the woman is the passive recipient normally but in this dance, roles are reversed. The man gets serviced while the woman is the provider of this ‘dance’. I call it the zipped fuck (excuse my blunt use of vocabulary), the man stands there like an electricity post awaiting current to be passed through him, as the woman is busy exercising her bare butt as if in a weight loss competition. The ‘goodies’ need to be let loose, not for the purpose of air in this vigorous activity but for them to move to the rhythm. It also enables them to ‘clap’ if the man says, Baby clap dat ass for me.
In a typical party, women must be present, in crowds and throngs. A good party is where the number of men outweigh that of the women. Yaani when a man gets tired of this booty, he moves on to the next. They are arraigned in a variety of sizes. If the girls don’t turn up, the ‘bash’ is off. No one wants their party criticized as ‘haikushikisha, hata hakukuwa na madem’.


I attend parties to observe, I am always curious what my fellow youth have going on. As I was sitting down, my eyes shifting about from this person to the next, they settled on a couple. Lady bent at an angle of 90 and constantly moving to the 120 degrees. This increase was due to the fact that the guy enjoying the privilege, was pushing her head down. He only wanted the ass facing him, not the poorly baked face.


Sule, siamini nimemaliza mix nzima!


Was her expression when the music mix stopped. She was bushed and was struggling to catch her breath.


Yenyewe umeweza. Si mchezo!


He added casually as if he had any idea of the struggle she had gone through to ‘satisfy’ him. He was still thirsty and as she sat to rest, he bent another girl over his crouch and they went about the business of the public display of sexual arousal. I was careful not to be smoodged by any of the guys so that ‘niwasugue’ when the beat got too loud for a conversation.


Practice makes perfect. In the end you realize that a loaded behind is simply an added advantage but not a guarantee to a great session. I know a girl from my high school who could pop it better than those who label themselves as ‘tumejibeba’. She always said,


Small is but the size!


And proved it alright, staying true to her word.

To join the Twerknation, size of the junk is not a requirement. It is what you can do with what you have.



7 Comments Add yours

  1. babueliazar says:

    ‘No Woman No Party’….that’s the classic definition of it!
    Keep it uo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Melchi Asuma says:

    😂this is so good. I love your blogs. Keep it up

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for taking time
      I appreciate it


  3. Bonnie Lukunza says:

    😂now am in the know😂

    Liked by 1 person

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