Am I a Virgin?

The day you will be able to jump over your own shadow, you will know that the world has become perfect. As it stands now, it isn’t good. It is in chaos highlighted in the day to day happenings. Those who survive do and those who don’t, we bid them farewell.


I hear brides wear white to signify their virginity as they walk down the aisle. Is virginity white in colour? If I were to get married right now, I wouldn’t be dressed in white. My virginity is dark in colour. The guests would get into an array of confusion as to whether it was a wedding or funeral they were attending. Those wearing bright colours would be ashamed. The world after all isn’t so bright.


You are now ramming your head trying to figure out if this girl is virgin or a non-virgin. Remind me what we call a person who is not a virgin? Truth is, I can’t call myself one because the world has already determined that for me. The famous Virginity is Not Dignity but Lack of Opportunity line. To be fair, I would let you decide.


It was a normal evening after school. I was in the house together with my youngest uncle who was then in high school, form one or two, that is not important here. What you should note is he was in his teens. I was either 9 or had recently turned 10. Those were our age brackets. Mum had gone to see the mzungu as she always did certain days of the week. She was to be back by around 7pm but on this day, she delayed a bit. I knew as I always looked forward to the heap of newspapers she would come with. I think her mzungu stocked them for her.


I am not sure how we ended up in my mother’s bedroom but there we were. My uncle suggested that we play ‘reso‘. Wrestling then a famous television show that all kids stayed tuned for. We did so from the neighbours as believe it or not, we were living in a two bedroomed house with no TV set😂😂. We wrestled for a few minutes and then he got to the real meaning of what ‘reso‘ meant to him.


He undressed me. Then he said, wacha tujaribu vile mamako hufanya na…


I can’t remember who it was in play at that time. Probably Mwangi. I nodded. I was excited. I had already watched them once and I wanted to experience it for myself. Kumbe it was something we could try ourselves. He should have informed me sooner. Had he also watched them like me and got curious? I never discussed it with anyone. He must have seen me peeping. At least he was kind enough to do it with me.


He pulled out his manhood (there will be no description of this as I can’t remember). He began to insert it and then thrust. Nothing was happening. I could see his frustration. He rose then told me,


Naendea Vaseline niipake ndo iingie vizuri, inakataa.


The moment he stepped out, I got up on my feet and locked the door. When he came back saying he found it na amepaka, he found a locked door. I was now crying on the other side. Why couldn’t I see this was wrong from the very beginning? Wrestling in the bedroom? On a big bed? How could I have been that stupid? I’m so easy to fool!


Fungua mlango!




Usiambie mum basi..


I continued crying and crying. At last my mother arrived. I opened the door to let her in and out stumbled the details of the ‘match’. Of course I excluded the parts where I had watched her. Or where her brother had mentioned her. But I should have. This might have been all her fault.


James yaani unataka kuniharibia mtoto wangu? (Slap)


(Slap) (Slap) Toka uende!


My mother is an expert in slapping. It is among the things I got from her. My punches are weak but the same does not apply to my slaps. It is as if those I received are directly channeled from my system.


Mum took me to the nearest health facility which was a dispensary right outside the plot we resided in. It was 9pm now and the lady nurse was closing up but she accepted to attend to us. She was saddened by the events. She cleaned me up as my mother kept expressing her annoyance.


Once we got back to the house, mum asked me to never let my dad know.


Hatakubali uje kunitembelea tena.


My mouth became sealed from that moment. If my mother was protecting my relationship with her from being severed or simply her brother from the law. I don’t want to ever know. What would you do? Protect your offspring or the human with whom you share a womb?


A week later, my uncle was back to living with us. He was made to apologize and after grumpily doing so, his place in the house was reinstated. The forgiveness was casual, it was not forgive-forgive and neither was it a forgive and forget. All I knew was that my days with WWE marked a sudden end.


38 thoughts on “Am I a Virgin?

  1. You’re really brave for sharing your story. I’m sorry this happened to you but I’m also proud you didn’t let this destroy you & are using your story to help others who’ve been through the same. God bless you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Resh,I am so sorry about what happened to you,no girl of whatever age should go through it,
    You were innocent and that sorry excuse of an uncle took advantage of you,..if it were up to me he would be rotting in jail,after castration of course..
    I hope many people read this,I really do,it’ll shine a light in many many aspects on how to bring up a child,especially a girl child,
    Thank you for sharing,

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Speechless wlhi but your piece is relatable.I had a Swahili teacher who used to say “Wanaume ni wanyama…”
    It was ironic since he was a male himself but this piece makes him some kind of “mhenga”😂

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I am so sorry that happened to you. But talking about it comes a long way in getting past it. I admire your courage☺. And of course your writing is on point😊. You know am your biggest fan😌

    Liked by 1 person

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