Too close to sex

Sex sells. It does and widely at that. The people behind different brands of products know this and they use it to their advantage. You end up seeing a sweaty shirtless man taking a sip from a bottle or can of soda instead of the soda displaying itself. The lotions and various hair food companies display this even better. On to perfumes, clothes and shoes and the accessories that go into dressing etcetera. Cooking vegetable oils have also got into the booming business. We’ve all watched the soap adverts and the sex here is more open although they are currently focusing on the hygiene part. You are guaranteed death of germs and the tests proven by highly trained professionals.
We are all moving to the digital age and we happen to be online a bigger percentage of our days. For the longest time now, the internet has been the headquarters of the booming business, sex. You can download pornographic material, access hookers, have a session of masturbation at a fee, learn newest sex techniques. The options are not few and they expand to all possibilities. As long as you know how not to get caught. Unlike the paper bag ban which has been highly stressed and action being taken out swiftly, porn is an issue that is little addressed.
I have watched a lot of movies in my lifetime, the number outdoes my age by a figure close to twice my age. Sex scenes could be my favourite but I ain’t telling you that 😉😉, it’s my little secret. However, I’ll tell you that I do like them, very much. I don’t hide my face when they pop up. I could stop what I was doing to watch it and rewind if I thought I blinked too much. Sex addict much, right? I’m sure you are more or less the same as I am but we are all headed in that direction. I’m not a porn addict, I simply like the idea of it.
It is the hardest thing to do telling one that you do not like a particular thing, it’s only the idea that fascinates me. It is hard to believe and it sounds too ridiculous but don’t all the true things? A snake for instance has two penis(es). Their sexual drive must be very high, higher than the people we term as fuckboys. It happens that is their designated job description.
Unlike most people who first tumbled upon sex either on the internet or in the movies they watched without their parents, I saw it live. Everyone seems grossed out when they encounter their parents making out or if they show any PDA in their presence. I personally wouldn’t mind. My parents are not together. I would watch it like a movie. I’m not saying it is right but I wouldn’t call them on it to notify I’m present. That’s life anyway.
The day I watched sex being ‘acted’ out for me was a nice sunny afternoon. I’m not sure it’s conducive weather for the hectic process of pleasuring each other but preferences vary. I was coming out of my room and headed outside I think but as I passed my mother’s room, I heard noises and like any curious child I peeped. Totally normal thing for a child to do. Mwangi (if you remember me mentioning him somewhere) was on top and it’s already clear who was being romped.
My fixation problem must have started from this period because I stood there. Knowing what was happening but not understanding. I wanted understanding. Blinking became less and I squinted more to get a clearer picture. My mind must have blurred at some point because I can’t remember if I watched to the end or I had enough and left. I had witnessed what others only do when they are in ‘action’ themselves. Legendary.
An year or so later as I was barely 11 then, I watched my first porn. I didn’t know it was but as soon as I learnt it was, I made myself comfortable and watched people go at it in the swimming pool. 2 years ahead, a girl friend of mine sat me down with her and pressed play. Together we watched some pretty terrifying acts of love. None of us said a thing. We spent an entire afternoon, evening and part of a night staring. It was fascinating.
I became hooked to sex. I felt I had learned enough from just watching those few hours. If I sum them they couldn’t add up to a day. Yet an addict I was. I was ready to have sex.
I can’t remember my first time or who it was with. Multiple partners came into play. I was having phone sex in the morning, afternoon and even more at night. I chose carefully and timed them. There was no way I would be having sex with two guys at the same time. If you know me personally, you’ve probably heard me saying I used to be a player kumbe I was just having phone sex everywhere, across all medias. It’s nothing to be proud of but I’m good at it despite not having practised in a while😂😂. I didn’t even touch myself, I read the texts and sent them back. It was like chatting to me. Conversing deeply you could say.
I did orgasm several times, now you see how words can stimulate me. There was this particular guy who always wanted assurance that I was touching myself. I don’t want to recall how blunt those moments were for me. All I had to do was imagine, I didn’t have to do a thing. A creative mind that had powers of imagination saved me becoming a masturbator..
All that phone sex made me think I was ready to have the real deal, not just nudes of dick pics. On that fateful day, I met up with the then boyfriend of mine. We had never even met. Name withheld for privacy purposes 😂😂. After lunch, we got to the main agenda of the day. There I was, not a single article of clothing on me and couldn’t do a thing. Kissing was my end point. I was only good behind a screen. Thank you for not forcing it by the way. I respect you for that. 😊
I’m healed now I think though I still get occasional temptations to be naughty with my friends. I know a single mistake will take me back there and I don’t want that. And no I don’t need a psychologist, I’m psycho 😎😎