Wildest Dreams

The topic to this piece should have been Wild Thoughts. But you will all be grunting, “Ah, here she goes again with her sex talks!” Instead I decided to go with Taylor Swift’s song title. I love her. No I love her music. I’m not saying I ain’t all for Riri, in fact anyone whose name starts with R is guaranteed of my affection. If this is women empowerment then I’m not going to think twice. In no way should I be taken to despise men. On the contrary, they are the best compared to women. I got to advocate for girl Power though.

I know I had the best memories as a child (the few I can remember vividly) but I’m not going to go into a contest with anyone. First because I love winning and second we all have variations when it comes to degrees of victory. I’ve always thought I don’t want a child/ren of my own. If you have met me then you must probably know or have seen how affectionate I am towards kids. I adore them. I would cancel plans just to baby sit(Hire me!) I believe children are the best, forget I said men up there. They are innocent and too cute. They are eager to learn, you get to dictate them. Here. They have no idea what is going on around them. And that is just basically why I love them.

Recently I have decided that I do want a kid. I was thinking to go the surrogate way. And here the women folk will turn up with their pitch forks ready to crucify and feed me to the dogs.

You don’t want to miss childbirth! You are bonded to the baby right from the time you push it out.

Hiyo uchungu hata si nyingi.

Ukizaliwa mtoto hutampenda! 

Your child will think you adopted them.

Women are that ridiculous. I’ve been told severally that my Dysmenorrhea will go away the moment I give birth. Haha. Lol even. So I’ve been having painful cramps since I started my menstrual cycle but it will all change when I give birth? Please come impregnate me. I’m sorry I don’t think so!

I once overheard my ex stepfather(sounds weird but yes) tell my mother that she is pretending to be in pain. His exact words being, “You are not a freaking teenager to be having cramps!” I almost laughed. How is teenage associated with this pain? It’s high time men went out of their way to understand women’s bodies. This is what we mean when we say we want understanding men. Ugh!

That aside, I’m a great baby sitter yes. I’m not sure how I’ll fair as a mother. A parent if I’ll get to be a single mother. Don’t give me that look! Women outlive their men and I plan on doing exactly that. I know we won’t die together if at all I get a man who befits me. In all areas. I deserve no less.

I have never thought of my wedding. If it comes, I’ll be wearing a purple dress. Whoever asks for my hand must know I’m royalty. It is my favourite colour all the same. That’s all I know. He would have to pamper me exceedingly for us to get procreating. I can’t imagine the pain. The belly I can muster. And all the crazy cravings. All I am not ready to do is actually give birth. It freaks me out. Really freaks me out. Dear future husband hope you read this 😝😝

I know I’ve told some of you I don’t think much but I do. I just wouldn’t like to share my thoughts. I don’t want to be judged both on earth and on the day of Judgement. I am not a horrible person, you wouldn’t understand me the way I need you to. And like most women, I’m needy.

Let’s skip all the basic parts of having a kid and let’s get to the point where I have one. Two. Both girls please. What would I do with a boy? I can teach him to be a gentleman but I wouldn’t know what to tell him about his hygiene. I happen to be that clueless. I don’t want to be one of those women who don’t teach their boys how to.. I don’t know what(throws up hands in frustration). On to my little princesses, they will be cute definitely.

I won’t teach them to be these pink freaks. I want them to choose their own colours. Be it black or orange. They will have piercings. They will have to be ladies. By age 4 they must know  how to blow their nose correctly. No mess. They should be planners (like their mother).If they want their room to be messy that’s okay. As long as it is clean. I won’t force it down their throats to acquire good grades. Average is fine. They can do what they please. I won’t let them strip down my power. We’ll talk about issues facing them. Be it boys or that annoying teacher at school. We’ll watch movies and go out to play. I want it to be the perfect family. I’ll keep in mind though, there is NO perfect.

When they come of age, I’ll keep my distance. I don’t want to suffocate them. I’ll let them make their own mistakes. If they feel free to come ask for my advice, well and good. If they decide to cry it all out in their sheets at night, they are still learning. I’ll let them go out, curfew them and there will be lots of grounding. A strict parent is what I desire to be. They will know that there is a time for mummy and periods for mother. Disciplining? I have a thing for slaps. Their faces will meet my hands so many times. That is if they misbehave.

I forgot to say I’ll breastfeed them. Why would I want my breasts to remain as perky as they are? I don’t want to be competition for them. I have lived my youth and I want them to enjoy theirs. I don’t want to be labeled as their sister when we are out on walks. They deserve a mother figure. If you are thinking ntajiachilia..

Darling, think again.

 

 

 

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